It’s like I’d entered another world with everything still going on around me, but which seemed uncertain.

I had to have a number of tests to make sure I could take the intense chemotherapy they were considering. I was determined that if the tests provedI was up for it, then I could do it!.

My treatment was to be six sessions of Pola-R-CHP. This is a treatment regimen made up of polatuzumab vedotin (a targeted therapy drug that delivers a chemotherapy drug to damage B-cells), rituximab (a targeted therapy drug that triggers the body’s immune system to target and destroy B-cells), cyclophosphamide and doxorubicin (chemotherapy drugs) and prednisolone (a steroid). The daily immunotherapy injections had to be administered at home for five consecutive days.

The first time I went into the hospital day unit was daunting, but I would say to anyone, ‘just go with the flow’. Before, I felt like I was the only one going through this, but as I went in for treatment, I quickly realised I was not.

Mentally, I got into treatment mode each time I went in for my six-hour session (most people were not in for as long as me). I left rather gingerly, feeling slightly drunk, and a bit heady. I soon realised that the full impact would come later once I was at home.

Over the next 14 days I went through nausea, metallic taste, loss of appetite, headaches and shivers that felt like flu. After about a week I wondered if I was going to get through this, but I did.

For me, one of the major challenges was keeping weight on. Treatment really put me off most types of food, so I ate anything I could stomach, which strangely was food with a strong taste. The other thing that was crucial for me was to avoid picking up any germs. I did this by being very vigilant, almost like I was back in COVID times. It was important to me to be ready for the next treatment and I certainly didn’t want to miss any.

I got into a pattern; treatment, feeling really unwell, improving, having blood tests followed by an appointment with my consultant to confirm I was well enough to have the next treatment.

On treatment day, I took the opportunity to talk to the nurse about my treatment and sometimes had some questions in mind that I wanted to ask. I took a book to write down my thoughts and made lists of things I wanted to do once treatment had finished. I also took an uplifting book to read, which was OK for an hour or so, but then my focus tended to decrease with the chemotherapy. I then listened to podcasts which were great at taking my mind off the drugs going through my body.

By the third course of treatment, and halfway through, I thought I had this sorted, and the PET scan backed this up. I thought treatments five and six would be a piece of cake, but it was at this point I needed to dig deep as I was a lot weaker both physically and mentally by this time and it seemed like an age before I would be heading for my last treatment.